My sweet and innocent wonderful child Shay turns into the devil when faced with these crack items. Take yesterday for example. I unknowingly unleashed this beast walking into Auburn, Walmart. Immediately upon walking in I get a wholesome and suger laced voice from Shay, say "mommy can I have McDonalds please" I reply not realizing this would trigger a massive drug induced withdrawal " if your good, we will get McDonalds when we leave". Holy Hell!!!
Shayne instantly drops to the floor in what I can only describe as a full body convulsion. followed by a sound I am sure only cats in heat can reproduce. Screaming "I want McDonalds". This child rolling around I try to defuse. As I am in Walmart and the smack I want to give him will land my ass in jail. So we continue this dramatic episode for the entire 30min trip! At times I pinch and threaten my child with the beating of a life time, all this gets me is a blood curdling scream and arm/leg wailing tantrum of a child uncontrollable with McDonald Crack rage!
Once gone from the store, once this face of the devil (McDonalds) is no longer in his sight, my sweet and innocent child reappears and the beast is gone.
Today, for breakfast, I made cinnamon rolls. This surgery satisfying gesture of kindness from a mother is followed by 20 min of "Are they done yet" "This takes to yong mom" (not a typo, thats how they say it) "mom, I want a inamin roll" "mom, mom, mom" with constant taping of my arm and leg. This makes my eys twitch like Hammy's on "Over the Hedge". Then once done, they cry cause while I told them they have to wait for them to cool, of course, they don't instead they both take bites of fresh out of the oven icing coated cinnamon rolls. They insist this is my fault! You can't win with these guys!
Later today, Shayne says to me "mom, can I have a strawberry pop, ppppllllleeeeeaaaassseee", "no Shay you don't need more sugar today", "Mom, when somebody likes Strawberry pop, your supposed to give them Strawberry pop" "Sorry to disappoint you Shay but no you had sugary breakfast your good". Good God! The Beast appears yet again... I said I want Strawberry pop" "Shay go to bed, your not allowed to act like this" screaming and wailing about I pick him up (he is screaming and wailing btw), carry him to his bed. This is were the convulsions of a sugar induced come down happen... my child starts kicking the wall screaming bloody murder... "Strawberry pop, strawberry pop, strawberry pop" "MOM MOM MOM" So I go back in to try and sooth my enraged and aggravated beast... Oh no, bad choice... this only angers him more that I am not getting him up to give him this so begged for pleaded for and highly sought after drug!
At this I say to you manufacturers of these items... damn you damn you to hell!
Yay for childhood crack food, yay till later!