September 13, 2003 in Rochester, WA. I married the love of my life, a man I have been in love with since I was 14 years old. Every year since May 20, 1998, we celebrate another year of us!

am the mom of 4 kids, 3 boys and 1 girl. The girl was not last, she was 3rd. Number 4 was not an "whoops", he was planned. Being a wife and mommy is all I have ever wanted to be.

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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Twinge

What is on my mind? What has been on my mind? What seems to consume my thoughts... for even when not thinking about it, my thoughts keep it on the back burner, so to speak... just allowing it to creep into my mind non-stop.

Family!

This is a thought that holds so much, countless feelings with penetrating and deep emotions and sentiment...

The emotional state this can put me in range from that of  love, affection, tenderness, admiration and dearest friendly thoughts. But they can also lead to a despondent, heartbroken, frusterated, and aggravated feeling. Not to mention worry, anxiety and a heavy heart.

My husband is such a wonderfully attentive and truly caring man. Life literally makes more sense just being near him. I am truly impressed by his selfless personality, he works countless hours, and still has the time and energy to give to me and the kids when he gets home. He has stood by me through the good and the horrible and back to the amazing!

My kids, wow, the emotions that run into my body at the thought of them. Even when they are making me senselessly irrational and just plain crazy. I love them to the point of tears. They are the very blood of Kevin and I, they have the most amazing way of making your heart grow not just in size but in capability to love and to grow as a person. They truly make you want to be better so that they have all the chances to succeed they need. As I believe if you are nothing, you are a example to your children. I believe its our job as their parents, and family to show them what it means to be a good person, in life, marriage, and love.

My extended family, the relationship with them since I moved back home from Vegas June 6th has been the best it has ever been in 13years! My mother-law, I truly and honestly value the stock she has in this family. I love how much I have to learn from her, everything from learning to sew, and how to handle myself from time to time. Don't get me wrong, I don't always see eye to eye with Sue, but if I did, that would just be to easy. But I have learned to listen better from her, and I will continue too.

My father in-law, really is such a wonderful and helpful source for me. He and I kept in contact while I was in Vegas making my transition to home so wonderful as one talk we had while I was down there hit my very core. It brought a sense of peace to my soul and light to my path.

Honestly everyone in my extended family means the world to me. I had an amazing relationship, and what I thought was the beginning of a truly impressive friendship between me and my two sister in-laws. Yet, something went wrong almost 2 months ago now. My sister in-law Heather and I got into a dispute, which seems silly really when you think about it, as we were clashing over something we agreed about. This quickly got very heated... as I explained earlier, we can both be a bit of a fire breather. But, I have since tried to apologize, this was not reciprocated nor acknowledge by her.

 Days and weeks went on, as we all felt she would eventually cool down and be able to talk. It has since become apparent that this is not just personal problem she has with me. Even though I seem to be the biggest thing in her sights right now and she has made choices to say and do things that are just that a choice. Its also a giant trigger of sadness for me. As I am so hurt and upset from her actions, and words. These while affect me tremendously and often cause me to be angered, recently I have started to more feel immensely concerned. For Heather really is such a nice person. This is not how I would expect her to react. While she has always been dramatic, and her and I have not always gotten along, she has never HATED me.

My fear now is that, something is more the driving force behind her actions. Like a imbalance, a very strong chemical imbalance. I just hope that soon this gets figured out. I want so much to go back to the strong and tight family we were!

I love my entire family, Rachyl my other sister in-law has really helped me to be patient, which is my probably worst personal attribute, as I am more a instant results kind of a person. I appreciate and respect her so much for this!

Together, I hope our entire family can come together and help each other out of this situation as I believe this is where family needs family the most.

Yay for family!